TEH SOY MADE ME GAY

Oh, man. Where to start? I'm gonna have to come back tomorrow on this. It's just too rich... rich.... RICH!

UPDATE 12/18: Y'know, after thinking about this all weekend, I still haven't got the right comic angle that adds anything to this. It's too much of a perfect gem in and of itself. I will only mention what should be, and I hope is, obvious to all who read the "column" - that the ever-greater male panic at losing men's longstanding meat-eating supremacy in the face of clear, long-term, permanent cultural change almost could not be put in better allegorical terms. Dunno if that was the idea, but if so, well done.

SMARTER PEOPLE MORE LIKELY TO GO VEGETARIAN

Heh. Posted without comment.

SOUTH AFRICA BANS CANNED HUNTS

Yes, folks, it's come to this: The United States lags behind South Freakin' Africa in acknowledging and curtailing an obviously, shamefully, fundamentally unfair institution.

MONEY WHERE HIS MOUTH IS

Good for Bob Barker. I mean, I know the guy's rich and all, but $300,000 is a hefty chunk of pocket change to part with. The Price is Right for this guy, as he's learned the Truth and its Consequences.

OK, I'm done. But really, way to go Bob.

DON'T HAVE - OR GIVE - A COW

A nice summary of why the latest trendy way to assuage liberal guilt is a bad idea for people as well as animals.

A 'TAIL' OF TWO HEADLINES

This one has nothing to do with meat-eating or plant-based diets or cruelty or compassion. It's all about the headlines, folks.

I'm here and now calling for a moratorium on the headline "Animal Rights and Wrongs" or the latest variation, "Animal Rights or Wrongs."

I know it must seem fiendishly clever to each new headline writer who comes up with it, but get this: It's been DONE TO DEATH. It's PLAYED. It's OVER. Yes, we get it - rights, then with a mind-boggling twist on the meaning, counterposed with "wrongs!" This amazing wordplay has only been used in about 17,894 HEADLINES SO FAR. Anyone who uses it after the point where I click "Publish" on this post is now officially A HACK.

In contrast, I laughed out loud when I saw this one, which I'm pretty sure (go ahead, prove me wrong) is fresh: About a proponent of the Genesis 1:29-based diet - "Eats of Eden." Bravo!