THE BALLAD OF LITTLE JOE

Little Joe waited at the bus stop before continuing his bid to escape the authorities. The 300-pound gorilla had just broken out of his Franklin Park Zoo enclosure for the second time in two months, overcoming a newly-installed electric fence, injuring two people and terrifying others. The gorilla was hit with four tranquilizer darts but had managed to pull at least one of them out.

What made him go ape? Maybe he got a sneak peak at today's study - Zoos Are Too Small For Some Species, Biologists Report. Yeah, like any of 'em bigger or wilder than housecats...
UPDATE 10/2: This version of the story gets right to the point: "Study: Zoos hurt roaming animals -- duh"