CHRISTMAS TURKEY STUFFED WITH RODENT

What's the big deal? When John Madden eats a Turkey with a Duck stuffed inside it, it's hilarious. But if it's a different kind of animal stuffing the bird, all of a sudden people get skeeved. "Valorie J. Macy had just removed the neck and giblets and was giving the bird a second rinse when a furry little rat or mouse plopped out into the sink."

There are plenty of choice quotes in this oddball article. "Norbest [the Turkey company] bills itself as the one of the leading turkey distributors in the world. The company motto, according to its Web site, is 'Perfect turkey every time.' Not every time, Macy would argue." Heh. And though the woman ditched the turkey and thawed out a ham for the holiday dinner, she wouldn't even eat that. "I had vegetables," she said. "I don't think I'll ever eat turkey again," she said. "I'm thinking of becoming a vegetarian."

Then the piece goes over the top, as well it should. "She imagined what would have happened if the rodent was found later, say after the turkey was cooked. The discovery of a little tail sticking out of the stuffing bowl would ruin the most picture-perfect Norman Rockwell moment, she said." Yep, I guess it would do that.