SERIOUS LISTERIA MYSTERY TWISTS

Just when you thought that all parties had come clean and were ready to move on with their lives, Wampler now denies its meat caused any problems for anybody in the massive Northeast outbreak of listeria. Well, sure, they want to have the strongest case against the inevitable lawsuits - but guess what? Our old friend the USDA is backing them up, contradicting the evidence gathered by themselves and the CDC. It was the latter who established the eating patterns and matched the samples that clearly fingered this plant, but the USDA apparently can't give up their role as official PR firm for the meat industry. Wampler is also disputing charges from an anonymous inspector who said USDA officials "told the inspection team they could no longer touch the carcasses of the birds when checking them for abnormalities that could indicate they were contaminated. In another e-mail, the anonymous inspector noted that salmonella tests at the plant stopped months ago. Listeria also is prevalent 'in the chiller at our plant,' the inspector wrote." But now the AP says the inspector didn't work at the Philly-area plant, but at another Wampler plant! Oh, OK. What a relief. I'm sure that listeria is not one of the dangerous strains.

MORE COLLIDING WITH THE ROTARY OSCILLATOR

As the news filters down to Joe Average that we've just had the largest recall in US history, the tangents are beginning to multiply. Some of the tainted meat, it turns out, was fed to kids in School Lunch Programs, and some went to Snow Ball Foods, which today issued its own recall of about 300,000 pounds of Executive Chef Homestyle Oven Roasted Turkey Breast. Executive Chef sounds about right - if it's an Enron Executive. Speaking of CEO-bashing, Molly Ivins gets right to the point with the title of her column, Poop on poultry. She fails, unfortunately, to see the connection between reactionary, careless meat profiteers and progressives' continual bankrolling of them by purchasing their products. She does of course call for stricter regulations, which is just what USDA chief Ann Veneman promised today in an excuse-laden speech (oh, it was the risk assessment that was slowing you down? What was the risk that was greater than killing people with contaminated meat?) headlined here as "USDA to whomp up Listeria testing in wake of recall."

But let's not forget listeria's partner in crime, E.coli, which parents of sickened and dead children have been raging about to congress, demanding tighter rules. While most Americans are clueless about the feces in their meat, one parent sums up what's wrong with the current attitude: "The meat companies let cow manure get in the meat, and then they tell the victims that if we had only cooked it to 160 degrees my child would not have died." The grammar's not perfect, but you try doing a better job when it happens to you. And it's happening to more and more people, as the Emmpak/Cargill recall (a mere 3.3 million pounds, remember?) seems to have sickened at least seven people in Michigan. Hey - this stuff happens.

KREME SCHEME

Two from FoodMarketExchange that are only noteworthy for the synchronicity:
On the same day the Fast-food industry is urged to offer healthy choices, McDonald's announces a cunning plan to partner with Krispy Kreme overseas. Yeah, that'll shake those lawsuits off, real quick!

CALL IT WHAT IT IS: CRIMINAL

So now our questions are answered. Wampler was indeed the source of the killer listeria (at least, some of the killer listeria, since the official death toll for this strain has now been quietly kicked back to 7 from 20). OK, now we can stop paying attention again.

Oh, but wait a second, turns out there are a couple lingering questions. Such as, why the hell did the USDA lie to us one week ago when the first recall occurred, saying it wasn't Wampler/PilgrimsPride? Did the USDA check for this strain and not find it, and only the CDC could? Then what else is the USDA not finding? Or is this, as with ConAgra, another blatant example of the USDA colluding with a meatpacking company to manipulate the release of life-and-death information in such a way as to benefit the company at the expense of consumers' lives? And if this plant has listeria all over the damn place, what are conditions like at the hundreds of other meatpackers across the country? Also, will this black eye finally force Bush to change his business-uber-alles attitude about meat inspections? Just asking.

I'll leave the last word to the Baltimore Sun: If terrorists were behind [these deaths], there would be screaming headlines and a national mobilization. But it's our own food companies instead; with them, it's just one of the costs of doing business.

LARGEST RECALL IN USDA HISTORY

Am I being alarmist? Because to me, the scariest part isn't that Wampler, aka Pilgrim's Pride, aka Listeria-Laced-Deli-Turkeys-R-Us, is now recalling 27 million pounds of meat, the largest amount EVER recalled in US history... It's not even the fact that the USDA still insists this listeria is NOT the same listeria that's caused 120 illnesses and 20 deaths (that's what they're saying today, anyway)... No, it's that this contamination was found only incidentally, because inspectors were rigorously looking for the other, killer, listeria. So how much other feces-infected meat is slipping by these days when inspectors aren't doing a life-or-death investigation?

I'll JUST SWITCH TO FISH III

CNN brings us the truism that Bad fish can make you sick. Bad fish! Bad! The Wall Street Journal puts it more soberly, as 'Healthy' Seafood Can Still Pose a Serious Illness Threat. Both of them (rightly) mock the notion of fish as a safe and healthy alternative to beef, exposing the prevalance of listeria and other foodborne diseases in a lot of different, popular types of fish. And Korea reports that 20% of fish imports (especially from China, Norway and India) are contaminated with food-poisoning bacteria. What all this misses, though, is that whether or not you heat something to 160 degrees, there's disproportionate amounts of dioxin and other deadly chemicals building up in the fatty tissue of all wild fish.

DOES IT EVEN MAKE THE TOP TEN?

In this story on voluntary meat labeling taking effect, there's a great quote illustrating the animal food industry's priorities. Says one rancher: "Job one is to sell more beef for a better price." OK - and ensuring that your customers don't DIE from consuming your product is job what - six?

ANOTHER LISTERIA MYSTERY TWIST

Now this is getting scary: AGAIN on a Friday afternoon, an announcement about this case - Pilgrim's Pride is poised to expand their 300,000-pound recall to... an undisclosed amount. Why undisclosed? Because they're still discussing with the USDA what it should be. A decision is expected - all together now - "late on Friday or early Saturday." So... why put out the story...late on Friday...that this is about to happen? Mysteriouser and mysteriouser...

THIS ONE WRITES ITSELF

This is so perfect it seems made up, but... Zookeepers in Germany have allegedly been suspended and are under police investigation for eating some of the zoo's animals - chickens and sheep. But wait - here's the kicker - they were animals featured in a petting zoo frequented by little kids! Awwwwww. "Mommy, where did Mister Wooly go today?"

But come on - it's not like this is a complete surprise.

PHEASANT HUNT GETS SHOT DOWN

"The National Park Service abruptly announced it will phase out pheasant hunting at the Cape Cod National Seashore after animal welfare groups asked a federal judge to stop the hunt." This ridiculous custom dates back a full 60 years, involving the stocking of a beach area with non-native birds and calling in a couple dozen hunters with dogs to rampage around shootin' at stuff and hoping not to hit Cape Cod residents. So what is the Park Service going to replace this with? Quail hunts. Or so they think now.

MORE BEEF TROUBLE

It's still not a ConAgra-sized fiasco, but the Cargill ("Emmpak") recall has been expanded again by about 600,000 pounds, bringing the amount to 3.3 million pounds of E.coli-infected beef so far. On the off-chance that you get a bite or so without any fecal contamination, be aware that scientists with US National Cancer Research are now undertaking to determine whether growth hormones in regular beef contribute to breast cancer. Gee... ya think?

BSE MAY BE IN UK CHICKEN

On the day that Italy celebrates its lucky 75th case of Mad Cow Disease comes news that twice as many British cows actually had BSE as were originally found in testing, because the tests missed half of the actual "mad" cows. How encouraging. And again, if you're going to switch to chicken, make sure it doesn't have any BSE-infected beef proteins on it.

USDA FOLLIES

This is bizarre. Early this afternoon, the USDA releases the information that a recall is coming "in relation to" the Northeastern listeria outbreak, but they're not going to tell us who the company is. Why not? I dunno. Maybe so they can sell that last little bit of contaminated meat first? OK, so that's odd. But then later in the afternoon, the recall is issued, for 150 tons of deli turkey from Pilgrim's Pride, and the USDA says this listeria-infected meat is "not related to" the big listeria outbreak! Note that careful wording: The recall was issued in relation to the outbreak, but is not related to the outbreak. That's because the USDA only noticed this contamination while looking for the real culprit, who's apparently still at large. Wacky, huh? And to think that while ConAgra stands to lose 50 million dollars from this summer's big adventure, the USDA - the agency that's supposed to protect us from self-serving profiteers - has yet to be punished in any way.

McDONALD'S DESERVES A BREAK TODAY

Well, not really, but the way things keep breaking against them, even I'm starting to feel sorry for the junk-food cartel. In addition to its stock woes - shares closed down under $17 today, but then, it was a record low for the market in general - McDonald's is now the target of an Oct 16 worldwide boycott over labor rights. Save the date!

WHAT'RE THE ODDS?

Once again, major news about contaminated meat was relased late on Friday afternoon. Boy, that sure does make ya wonder... Anyway, that mysterious listeria outbreak from (the Friday before) Labor Day? The one that's killed seven people so far? Sliced deli turkey is the probable cause. They won't yet say from where... but don't worry, we're all in safe hands now, because USDA Food Safety Undersecretary Elsa Murano is declaring WAR on foodborne illness!...again. Kind of like that war on terrorism, er, I mean, Iraq. As long as we keep declaring war, something good's bound to happen.

In related news, around these parts it may interest you to know that Super Fresh is one of the stores that was selling Cargill beef from that mondo 2.8-million pound recall. And further afield, At least it's not just us: Over a hundred people in England have contracted the same form of salmonella. Gosh, you don't think it might be relevant that they found salmonella in 1/3 of all European spiced meats, do you?

GOING GREEN

Opposition to the fast-food/factory-farm complex can be just a NIMBY attitude. But other signs point to a larger phenomenon. When Green Bay, so associated with meat packing that their football team is named after the industry, starts trending vegetarian, something's up. And though Enron fatcats will probably always want butchered food, young people are more adventurous, such as those in an Olympia, Washington, school who are loading up on vegetables, fruits and soy milk at lunchtime after learning about organic food and tending a school garden. America's youth is also more aware of ethical issues, and more kids are refusing to dissect animals in class. As these kids are growing up and entering college, they continue to challenge assumptions there too. More power to them.

HITTING THE FAN II

Good to see that Meat Facts' feces-oriented critique is catching on. A Canadian environmental group has released a damning report entitled "It's Hitting the Fan: the Unchecked Growth of Factory Farms," which demands a moratorium on new factory farms in Canada until the industry submits to serious regulation. (You mean like we have here? *chortle*) The report points out that "Canadian livestock produced 164 billion kilograms of manure in 2001, enough to fill Toronto's SkyDome stadium twice a week."
Wow, that's vivid. Meanwhile, a little further south, still more people are raising their voices against animal slaughter operations, at least the ones in their backyards. Of Terry Long's proposed 6,000-chickens-a-day slaughterhouse in Pittsburgh, neighbors say, "the only thing that would have been more outrageous is if he had suggested putting a nuclear storage facility there." Yeah, well, toxic waste is as toxic waste does...

FAMILY/FACTORY FARM

It's not just McDonald's, of course, but the whole fast-food/factory-farming system that's slowly being flushed down the commode of history. As reported in the London Telegraph, the fast food industry is already destroying the family farm, and any farmers who buy into this decadent system are, to put it gently, chumps. Meanwhile, some families have managed to make a deal with the devil, whoring their hog farms out to corporations so they can "maintain the lifestyle" and pretend they have a family farm, rather than one division of a large factory farm. But don't these people depend on the farm to survive? Yeah, right. The standard joke is, if my wife worked a second job, I could farm another 200 acres." In other words, it's a hobby - one that's not a joke to the farmed animals that get slaughtered.

MICKEY D'S WON'T SAY NO TO DRUGS

McDonald's continues to dig its own grave, reneging on a promise to stop buying chicken that's pumped full of all kinds of antibiotics. Many of the chain's rivals, such as KFC, Subway and Hardee's, have shifted their purchasing to chickens that are only pumped full of some kinds of antibiotics (the kinds deemed least relevant to human medical treatment). But McDonalds stands firm - so far - in a strategy that can only be called incomprehensible. The fast-food giant is obviously desperate to reform its image as purveyor of complete crap, yet it waits to be prodded, and beaten, on this, while more healthful fast-food franchises continue to eat away at its future market share. The only explanation I can see: Eating too much beef causes dementia.

RECALL REDUX

Well, it may not be mushrooming into a ConAgra-size scandal yet, but last week's Cargill recall is similarly mushrooming - it's now 2.8 million pounds of beef that's contaminated - in other words, more completely infested with fecal matter than regular beef. Boy, that War on E.coli is working great! Stay tuned...