BUY THIS URINE OR WE'LL SHOOT THIS HORSE

Actually, this time it's not one animal victim, but 20,000 - the sudden drop in demand for horse urine "could devastate the horse industry and may drive some PMU ranchers to desperate measures," according to "equine industry officials." Why? What's PMU? Oh that's Pregnant Mares' Urine, or PreMaRin, which had been foisted on women for years as "hormone replacement therapy." Meanwhile a little outfit called PCRM kept yelling that the practice was not only unethical but scientifically dubious. Now that the National Institute of Health has concurred, halting the Women's Health Initiative study due to a suspected link to breast cancer, the horse exploiters are left holding the bag - which means, of course, that the horses must suffer for the ranchers' short-sighted profit-grubbing.

REASONS AT RANDOM

More reasons not to eat... a) BALTIC HERRING (can cause cancer) b) SNAILS (can kill you in a disgusting way).

More reasons to eat... SOY (cuts cholesterol, helps kidneys)

KICK THE KID-HARASSING HABIT

I've mentioned before that one of the biggest PR mistakes PETA makes is accosting schoolchildren on school sidewalks with pro-vegan propaganda. The organization seems to have no clue about the overtones this brings up for the average parent or news-reader. This time they compound it with an equally clueless slogan - intended to get kids to shun KFC: "Kick the Bucket." Yep. In other words, go vegan and die. Brilliant. This idea should've kicked the bucket before it even got out of the conference room.

RUDY T. GOES VEGAN, BEATS CANCER

...a slightly-rewritten version of the headline on this profile of Former Houston Rockets head coach, Rudy Tomjanovich, who's switched to veganism as a cancer-fighter. "People think that I'm on a weird diet, but it's really the most basic diet you can be on, and I feel great," Rudy says.

HUNTING FOR HUNTERS

One of the fun things about our sloooooowly evolving culture is to watch the sport-hunting aficionados try to make sense of the fact that their beloved "tradition" is being rejected by young people as a relic from a stupider time. Here's a fairly typical straightforward report on one state's stats - In the last couple of decades, the number of hunters taking to the field for [Utah's] annual general deer hunt has dropped by more than two-thirds, despite the state's population increasing more than 40 percent. Another is this sobfest about people like Hugh Poirier, who worries about the falling number of Canadian youth who are taking up the "sport," whose "best childhood memories have to do with hunting trips he took with his dad." (Hmmmmm... wonder how many other one-on-one all-day outings little Hugh got with pops?) But the real entertainment is in stuff like this, deliciously clueless whining from the wingnuttiest national newspaper on earth...making ever more stridently the explicit argument that guns equal revenue equal moral authority.

COCKFIGHTERS GET TAX BREAKS

Hideous. While publicly claiming they want to get serious about the toxic slime that is cockfighting, the feds give 'em tax breaks because they're in the habit of encouraging anyone who wants to exploit animals.

MILK TAKES ANOTHER HIT

Vitamin D should come from sunlight, not additives, says the guy who discovered it. Dr. Michael F. Holick, a Professor of Medicine, Dermatology, Physiology and Biophysics at the Boston University School of Medicine, told the National Institutes of Health's symposium: "There is a mountain of well conducted, validated science that demonstrates that the production of the activated form of Vitamin D is one of the most effective ways the body controls abnormal cell growth. Regular and moderate exposure to sunlight is the best way to help the body manufacture the Vitamin D it needs. The idea that we should protect ourselves from the sun all the time is misguided and unhealthy."

TIGERS DON'T CHANGE THEIR STRIPES

In the week since the news of the attack on Roy, an interesting op-ed phenomenon has emerged: Pundits across our nation are conflating that story and the concurrent one about the guy with a tiger in his apartment, wagging their fingers at those who keep tigers as pets. This one is typical, focusing on what a terrible idea it is to keep dangerous wild animals close at hand, but like the others, failing to see where that conclusion leads. "It's interesting that both tiger attacks happened within days of each other," the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette says. "It's as if Mother Nature was trying to remind us of something." That we shouldn't keep wild tigers in captivity in order to entertain ourselves? Ya think?

BUY THIS MEAT OR WE'LL SHOOT THIS COW

Quebec farmer shoots cow It was one of two cows that were shot to protest what farmers see as a lack of provincial government compensation after the mad cow outbreak. The comic parallels to this are myriad. Other than the NatLamp reference, another that comes to mind is the Monkees, when they're being threatened by gangsters. One warns that if they don't comply "we'll do this" and smacks Peter. Micky responds, "Oh yeah? Well you better watch out or we'll do this!" and smacks Peter harder. Ah, the Monkees. It was a simpler time.

JAPAN'S 8TH MAD COW A BAD SIGN FOR U.S.

The latest case of mad cow disease in Japan raises concerns that our re-opened border to Canadian beef has allowed mad-cow-infected cattle into the country. Japanese authorities said a 23-month-old bull slaughtered on Sept. 29 tested positive for mad cow, the eighth case detected in the country. Finding the disease in such a young animal could have global implications because it was widely thought mad cow does not develop until cattle are 2-to-3 years old. The US is letting 30-month-old cows in right now.

"The implications of this case are not good for the USDA because it suggests infected animals could be coming over from Canada into the United States and into our food supply," said Michael Hansen, a senior research associate with Consumers Union in Yonkers, N.Y., who has focused on mad cow issues.

MORON USDA CORRUPTION

Here's some news that got no play in the current climate: "Meat inspectors repeatedly warned the USDA that ground beef at a ConAgra plant was contaminated with harmful bacteria months before a food-poisoning outbreak last year, but their concerns were ignored, an audit by the department's inspector general says."

But there's more: The USDA caused consumers' sickness and death by breaking the law, that's right, I said breaking the law! "The audit also found that inspectors didn't perform their own tests and failed to review other test results available to them, even though law requires them to."

By the way, in case anyone hands out that HACCP-is-working crapola, remind them that "the auditors blamed some of the inspectors' shortcomings on gaps in the Agriculture Department's meat safety policies."

It's not like ConAgra was squeaky clean - or, well, anything other than covered in feces. "Auditors also said ConAgra failed to respond to the contamination quickly. They noted the company was aware its own tests on meat trimmings, which are ground into hamburger, showed 63 samples were positive for E. coli months before the recall."

In related non-covered news: "In 2003, the U.S. Department of Agriculture impaired the government's ability to obtain the best possible advice on foodborne illness" by stacking an important advisory committee with such industry luminaries as the American Meat Institute.

MIGHT TEA

Another study has confirmed that tea lowers cholesterol, while a still different study reveals that tea fights inflammation. All benefits are increased by 23% if you hold your pinkie out while drinking it.

IT GRRRRRRRRRRRATES!

It's not funny, really, but the mauling of Roy Horn by one of the tigers he kept imprisoned in order to provide his million-dollar livelihood, a tiger he had just swatted in the face with a microphone five times, is at the very least highly ironic. So while we should all wish the man a full recovery from the serious wounds he suffered, I go further, wishing also that a recovered Roy Horn will devote his life to disabusing Americans of the notion that big exotic animals exist as playthings to entertain us.

Perhaps he could join forces with Sarah Baeckler, a researcher who worked undercover for 1,000 hours at a Malibu, Calif., facility that trains chimpanzees for Hollywood movies. "Trainers, she says, repeatedly kicked, punched and beat chimps with hammers to make them obedient." While I'm not alleging any particular animal abuse on the part of Roy, there's a simple point here: Wild animals don't want to do tricks. They have to be pressured into it, one way or another. It's not funny, it's not educational, and it certainly doesn't speak well of us as humans. It's got to stop.

SALMONELLA JERKY

A New Mexico firm has recalled 22,000 pounds of beef jerky ("Old Santa Fe Trail" and "Route 66" brand) in the wake of an outbreak of Salmonella infections that have been linked with the firm's products. Salmonella infections have been confirmed in 22 people, 20 of whom reported eating beef jerky. The company's Albuquerque plant was closed after investigators found unsanitary conditions there. Shocking, huh?

MORE FUN WITH CAGED ANIMALS

The capture and shipment of live dolphins to amusement parks has now reached a tipping point, where what was once a given - dolphins exist for our entertainment - becomes debatable. "This Is Fun, but Did Anyone Ask the Dolphins?" says The New York Times, noting that "a growing international protest movement of environmentalists and animal rights advocates say there is nothing educational about turning wild animals into lucrative rides and are outraged over the recent deaths of two captive dolphins at an amusement park." Ric O'Barry, a former trainer on the "Flipper" television show, says, "There is something obscene about a magnificent creature dying in an amusement park." The sight of six dolphins at the Interactive Aquarium in Cancún - a pool nestled among the T-shirt shops and restaurants at a mall - visibly angers him. "The reality is they are all going to die there if you stick around long enough," he said.

MORE DOWNERS FROM AYLMER

A total of 45 cattle too sick or injured to stand were taken illegally to Aylmer Meat Packers during a three-month period last year, documents show. While critics have alleged Aylmer is a dumping ground for downed animals, the incident reports are the first to document the extent of the problem. "The testing done on these animals doesn't tell you whether they had some neurological condition or metabolic disorders and whether that disorder in any way affects the safety of the meat." Hmmmm... neurological condition... oh, that's right, BSE.

And butchers admit that they turn a "blind" eye to the danger: Solly Stern, a butcher with four decades of experience, says, "You can tell if it's not fresh, if it's rotten, but you can't tell if there's something really wrong with it. It's a blind item." Meanwhile, butcher Trevor Clark says, "Now, it's blind faith. And to be honest, we don't know what we're buying." Well, I'm sure that's just in Canada - we're much better about protecting the consumer here in the US. *cough*
UPDATE 10/3: It's not just Aylmer: "City health inspectors have cited eight meat-processing plants in Toronto for 'significant' or 'crucial' food safety violations over the past two years," sez the Toronto Star. Whole lotta blindness goin' on. (VIA VEGAN PORN)

THE BALLAD OF LITTLE JOE

Little Joe waited at the bus stop before continuing his bid to escape the authorities. The 300-pound gorilla had just broken out of his Franklin Park Zoo enclosure for the second time in two months, overcoming a newly-installed electric fence, injuring two people and terrifying others. The gorilla was hit with four tranquilizer darts but had managed to pull at least one of them out.

What made him go ape? Maybe he got a sneak peak at today's study - Zoos Are Too Small For Some Species, Biologists Report. Yeah, like any of 'em bigger or wilder than housecats...
UPDATE 10/2: This version of the story gets right to the point: "Study: Zoos hurt roaming animals -- duh"

WHY RED MEAT CAUSES CANCER

A non-human molecule found in red meat and milk makes its way into the human system when eaten - and seems to build up especially in tumors, U.S. researchers reported on Monday. "Of course, there are already existing recommendations that people should not consume too much food containing saturated fats, such as dairy products and red meats," Lead researcher Professor Ajit Varki said in a statement. "The question arises whether the gradual accumulation of Neu5Gc and the simultaneous presence of antibodies against [it] could be involved in some diseases of later life."

And speaking of gradual accumulation, "Bacteria from the cut-price meat that we eat can remain in the gut for years and, warn scientists, breed superbugs untreatable in humans," reports the Guardian. "So are we sitting on an antibiotic-resistant time bomb? ...When you read this, you will understand why the check-out staff at supermarkets put your meat in a bag separate from your tomatoes."

PLAYING CHICKEN?

Two somewhat similar stories involving bad chicken meals: Mom Sues After Finding Tooth in Chicken Soup (ewwww!) and Man Says He Got Mouse With Fried Chicken (gagggg!) Bizarre. You don't suppose the 'Maggot Pete' gang is behind this, do you?

PCBs SWIMMING UPSTREAM

Salmon travelling to Alaska's previously pristine lakes to spawn are carrying large doses of industrial pollutants [mostly PCBs] with them, a study has shown. Great. That's just another advantage of animal fat: Not only is it good at storing toxins, it's always on the move!