FIGHTING THOSE INVINCIBLE HOGS

Perhaps having been tipped off to pigs' upgraded intelligence (below), and fearing the prospect of tool-making hogs exactng their revenge on the American people, the USDA has quickly agreed to buy 50 million pounds of pork from pig-slaughterers, raising the total purchased this year to 66 million pounds, to be added to the 500 million pounds of taxpayer-bought pork the USDA has in storage. The latest purchase was made with $30 million of your money, once again to be foisted off on schoolchildren and Indians. All in order to keep hog producers from having to suffer the realities of the free market.

So that's why it's called "pork."